Long ago, in the land of Freshy’s warped mind, a young woman decided that she would take it upon herself to delve further into the adventures of knitting; to escape the monotony of scarves and beanies and to take on the task of knitting her very first sweater. It looked easy enough. Your basic rib start into stockinette body, and finishing with a relatively easy cable pattern. Nothing she’s never encountered before, she reassures herself. And so, after gathering all the necessary tools, did she begin her journey to sweater-dom.

Many moons have passed, and she has since completed, ripped out, completed, ripped out, and is still toiling, fruitlessly it seems, on this daunting task. First was the misreading of needle size, then the back tits, then the tight armpits, then the ribbed collar rubbing against the collar bone in a horribly, disgusting, and uncomfortable manner. “It’ll never be over!!” she weeps as she shoves a snickerdoodle in her mouth in some sad, pathetic attempt to console herself. Yarn and needles go flying across the room as she sits on the floor in a state of disgust. Although she would love to stash the project away in a hamper full of other UFO’s, she remains persistent!

Before the weekend’s end, she will post pictures of the final project. If she fails to do so, she will be chained to the cliffs and forced into knitting 2×2 ribbed scarves for the rest of eternity or until the dragon eats her.

The end.